Loyalty

Just don't question their loyalty!

And yet what are we to think of a publication (this is not somebody's blog, this is a real "alternative" newspaper) that on its cover admonishes its depressed, lefty readers, "Don't think of yourself as a citizen of the United States"?

Or that in its feature article, arguing the obvious that the Kerry vote was concentrated in the large cities, shows how open-minded and tolerant it is with such observations as:

Citizens of the Urban Archipelago reject heartland "values" like xenophobia, sexism, racism, and homophobia, as well as the more intolerant strains of Christianity that have taken root in this country. And we are the real Americans. They--rural, red-state voters, the denizens of the exurbs--are not real Americans. They are rubes, fools, and hate-mongers.

Or,

Dumb? The Sierra Club has reported that Arkansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Alabama, and Tennessee squander over half of their federal transportation money on building new roads rather than public transit.

That's a bad thing? I'm reminded of the eco-lefty who procalimed, "I don't use oil; I ride the bus!"

What is it anyway with lefty hatred of cars? What's up with that?

Don't question the inherent Patriotism and Loyalty of views like

In cities all over America, distressed liberals are talking about fleeing to Canada or, better yet, seceding from the Union. We can't literally secede and, let's admit it, we don't really want to live in Canada. It's too cold up there and in our heart-of-hearts we hate hockey. We can secede emotionally, however, by turning our backs on the heartland.

The true colors start to show when the rant really gets going:

To red-state voters, to the rural voters, residents of small, dying towns, and soulless sprawling exburbs, we say this: Fuck off. Your issues are no longer our issues. We're going to battle our bleeding-heart instincts and ignore pangs of misplaced empathy. We will no longer concern ourselves with a health care crisis that disproportionately impacts rural areas. Instead we will work toward winning health care one blue state at a time.

How's this for compassion? No, not some cold-hearted political calculation here like those evil Rethuglicans, but a love of all humanity:

If red-state dads aren't concerned enough about their own children to put trigger locks on their own guns, it's not our problem. If a kid in a red state finds his daddy's handgun and blows his head off, we'll feel terrible (we're like that), but we'll try to look on the bright side: At least he won't grow up to vote like his dad.

No comment:

Up until now, the Republicans have been winning the image war. When you think of "America," you imagine a single-family dwelling with a flag in the front yard and acres of corn waving in the background. It's an angry red fantasy.

Hmmm, talk about fantasies!

And when the oil dries up, we're not going to be turning to priests for answers--we'll be calling the scientists. And speaking of science: SCIENCE!

Guess again, bucko, the oil isn't going to "dry up" any time soon.

The Editors of The Stranger seem obsessed with hatred of cars and roads. We get proposals for taxing "excessive mileage", whatever "excessive" means; and

it's not too hard to envision a time when the only vehicles allowed on the streets of Seattle are buses, trams, and shuttles. Utopian? Wrong: reality-based. It's a better, smarter way to live, and the urbanist is always in favor of that. People who commute to the city for their livelihood and then attack urban areas and people in the voting booth are the worst kind of hypocrites. Commuters, we neither want nor need you.

Yes, let out the Inner Fascist! The commited Leftist yearns for control over all aspects of your life, including where and when you travel! Rather than being allowed the incredible freedom that rapid, inexpensive travel in an automobile affords you, you must instead be subjected to the scheduling whims of the Transit Mavens.

For the Good of the Planet.

Your personal "good" is irrelevant.

Your Overlords know best what's good for you anyway.

How's this for love of your Fellow Man?

Fuck the mountains in West Virginia--send us the power generated by cleanly burned coal, you rubes, and be sure to wear lifejackets to bed.

Tell us what you really think!

Non-urbanites have chosen to burn the declaration of interdependence, opting instead for tyranny, isolationism, and "faith." They can have them.

Declaration of Interdependence? INTERDEPENDENCE?!?

Perverts.

It ends (thankfully!) with the rousing clarion call,

The raving neo-Christian idiots are winning, however, so we need to take the fight to them. In this case, the fight is largely spiritual; it consists of embracing the reality that urban life and urban values are the only sustainable response to the modern age of holy war, environmental degradation, and global conflict. More important, it consists of rejecting the impulse to apologize for living in a society that prizes values like liberalism, pluralism, education, and facts. It's time for the Democratic Party to stop pandering to bovine, non-urban America. You don't apologize for being right--especially when you're at war.

Go ahead and make my day, punk.

That kind of analysis is going to win you lots and lots of friends and influence.

Yeah, go with that.

I can't wait to see the impending implosion of your party!

A platform that rests on the foundation that most Americans are too dumb and undeserving of your enlightened, rarefied benificence is going to go far.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!